Charge it to the room Garçon!

A big ol' Howdy Hey to all you guys, gals, ladies, gents, pimps, hoes, and men and women out there in the pot-au-feu we call the internet. Things are going great for us in California, everyone here seems to love us. I've found that I enjoy referring to everyone I meet as "Garçon" or "Mine Sir", or just "boy". I tell them to charge it to the room and that I'll send the bell boy to pick it up later. I buy two of everything every chance I get. I'm really supporting the economy and I feel great about it. Yes, things are really great here in California, I love living in hotels, not going to school, and working even less than I do at home. In fact, the only work that I've been doing in California is getting waiters fired for not being cheerful enough, some people should really not be in customer service. I realize that they think it's a difficult job and that the stress they experience from dealing with jerks like me is unbearable, but if you can't handle it, you're fired. I myself work at least once a week in a customer service oriented job and I think I'm pretty great at it, maybe even fantastic. "Good evening... How are you two this evening?... Are you excited for the show?... You look fabulous this evening, may I look in your bag?... Excuse me Sir, smoking is only permitted outside and on the second floor... No, there is no re-entry... Yes, I saw you leave, but you can't come back in, company policy... That's not my department... I'm not authorized to make statements to the media... Please don't stand there... Please don't go over there... No re-entry... IDs please, IDs please, IDs please... Yes sir, you do look very old but I have to see your ID... I realize your wife is standing right outside the door and that she didn't realize there was no re-entry, but you're going to have to buy another ticket for her to come back inside... Yes I realize she's in a wheel-chair, not that I believe she can't walk, but that's not for me to determine, maybe she should just TRY getting up out of that chair, she can probably walk.... When was the last time she tried to walk?... Those homeless men are wheeling your wife away Sir... There is no re-entry". My job is great and I'm great at it, all it takes is a little effort and sincerity. The good news is that there are a lot of great customer service folks out here in California, and I'm a stingy tipper.

On to more important issues...

A lot has happened since my last blog. We spent a night at the Hilton San Francisco, we found an excellent rate on a room and couldn't pass it up, after all, we are First Class Consumers! The Hilton was great, we only had to have one employee fired. We spent the evening lounging in the lobby bar, making fun of the foreigners with their silly languages, and eating nachos with Vodka and Soda. The drinks were expensive, so we charged them to "the room". We got sufficiently wasted and made friends with some local rascals who were visiting a party on the 42nd floor in a swanky suite. We made a brief appearance at the party and I think I caught a glimpse of Jonathan Taylor Thomas!! Oh My God!!







The next day it was overcast and raining, we departed for Santa Cruz in hopes of sunny weather and roller coaster rides. Instead we got more rain, a crappy but sufficient motel room that was actually pretty nice. The staff there was great and they granted our wish for a refund when we decided to leave due to the rain. We highly recommend the Quality Inn Santa Cruz. However, we do not recommend Santa Cruz for anything other than the beach and the Board Walk because Santa Cruz is fucking Ghetto! Slam!

So we left Santa Cruz the next day, the rain had cleared up and it was sunny and beautiful, it was a bitter-sweet departure and I think Anna cried tears of blood the entire way back, but I wasn't paying much attention. Actually, she cheered up when we stopped at our favorite beach in between Half Moon Bay and Santa Cruz: Bean Hollow. It's in one of those parts of Northern California that are my perhaps my most favorite locations on planet Earth. I would have lost my virginity to the coast of Northern California if that sort of thing were possible.






We left Bean Hollow, got back on Highway 1 and drove past San Francisco, past Mill Valley, to Corte Madera in Marin. Actually, we stopped along the way to buy some farm fresh strawberries and cherries for breakfast, delicious (おいしいですよ)! We checked into a very nice Best Western, and were issued a "Dining Passport" that allows us to charge meals at two different restaurants to our hotel room, this is a nice feature, we love charging things to the room, also, we "receive preferential treatment when [we] identify [ourselves] as a guest of the Corte Madera Inn" (Best Western).

After getting our luggage into our room and thoroughly checking out the closet, bathroom, bed, TV, and porch, we went to the Diner that is attached to the hotel. I ordered a hamburger, it was perfect. Anna ordered a "grilled cheese", an interesting story goes along with this, but I'll let Anna fill you in on that one. After charging lunch to the room, we drove into Mill Valley and Anna bought a very nice dress for $46 that I'm sure Amanda would be very jealous of.




Tonight we enjoyed dinner at Il Fornaio, an Italian restaurant near our hotel, food was good, dessert was fantastic and our waiter was an authentic Italiano. Of course we charged this meal to our room. And now, we've retired to our room and will soon be enjoying a movie, charged to the room of course. We'll probably watch Date Movie, then we'll go to sleep.

I hope everyone is having fun without us, we'll be back soon so we expect a great homecoming party.

*Ian and Amanda, please have your new digs ready for us to visit by the time we are back, we'd really appreciate that, also, pick us up from the airport in a limousine, bring champagne, not sparkling wine.


P.S. I know what I want for christmas:


Love,
Jason

A feeling not unlike paranoia.

I've been growing increasingly worried these last couple days. I haven't been sleeping well, and I'm worried that someone, possibly a government agent, has been following us and intercepting our transmissions. I've been noticing the same red Ford Taurus almost everywhere we go. Yesterday, while trying to lose the red Taurus, we were intercepted by a San Francisco Police Cruiser. We were detained and questioned for a good amount of time, supposedly we had not come to a full stop at a stop sign, and the "officer" mentioned something about the cars license plate looking "funny". During the time we were detained, the red Taurus was barely visible around a corner, parked behind a bus stop.

Here is a picture of the Taurus in front of us while we were stuck in traffic on the highway:



I also have reason to believe that whoever is following us may be responsible for the rash that I've been experiencing. Last Tuesday night I went to bed in the room that we were sleeping in at my Aunt's house. There is a large window right next to the bed, and because of the foul smelling creek directly outside of the building, I went to sleep with the window closed. When I woke up I was no longer under my sheets or blanket, the window was open, and I had a terribly itchy rash all over my body.

Again, none of this would have me worried under normal circumstances. However, on our most recent trip to the Japanese Tea Garden I received a message in my fortune cookie. I believe that someone may be trying to warn me, or perhaps I mistakenly intercepted a message that was meant for my stalker.






Interestingly enough, the waitress that delivered my pre-bill fortune cookie disappeared moments after I read the message and a few moments after her disappearance, our original waitress brought us our bill AND a second set of fortune cookies, this time with no special notes inside.

I don't think we're in danger, but someone is watching us, and I think it has something to do with this Blog.